An Awkward Conversation (about hand-holding)

So the subject of past love lives came up, and I ended up recounting this story.

Guy: So was that your first boyfriend?
Me: Well, we were mostly just friends because I was in college and he lived in my hometown. We just dated during breaks. But he was the first man to hold my hand, and I'll always remember it.
Guy: How old were you?
Me: Um...Don't laugh.
Guy: I won't laugh.
Me: 22.
Guy: I'm...Not...Laughing (failing not to laugh.)
Me: I started late, OK!!!!

Yeah, so there are some pretty funny stories about me and dating....I like to think I'm a late bloomer but a quick study.

Also awkward is whenever Japanese people tell me I'm not like "Other Americans." Which always fills me with a an unease, a mixture of pride and guilt. Pride because I'm not reflecting bad cultural stereotypes and guilt for feeling proud in conforming. Generally my non-American points are:

--speaking in a quiet voice.
--thinking before speaking.
--not forcing my views on others.
--being slow to express romantic feelings
--being skinny/feeling full after one serving

None of which are bad things, exactly. But are people assuming I'm just really conceited and mean because I don't talk that much? I hope not...It's just that I don't say much even in English to people I don't know well, and being afraid of making a mistake in Japanese just makes me that much slower.

Also I don't want to be mistaken either for a snobby American who only dates other white people, or for a forward American who has no inhibitions! (Like the black woman in 19th century literature, "the object of lust, but never of affection." I feel your pain!)

Really, I just want to have friendships and go on dates with nice people regardless of race! That's all!

Sometimes I think I've been her too long and I'm just becoming this weird hybrid of awkward...But then every time I bring that up both Japanese and Americans just shake their heads and give me this look of "Nyah." Maybe Japan just woke the worrywart inside, like some malevolent gargoyle spreading scaly wings, and now it's flying around the cathedral towers cawing into the night!