Expert Level

It's been said that life is like a game where the difficulty levels are portioned out unequally. If you're born into good circumstances it's like playing on easy mode, but if you're born with disadvantages (i.e. a physical handicap or if you're a "minority") it's like playing on a more difficult level. This compounds if you differ from the norm in more than one aspect.

Mostly, I'm pretty lucky. Although I think living in a foreign country is like playing life on expert level. For example, a few weeks ago I tried to repair my shoes. In America, I could just walk up to the shop, describe my problem and ask if they could fix it. However, since I wasn't confident in my ability to describe the problem in Japanese I waited to approach the shop until I could come with the shoes and show the shop people the broken strap.

Everything is just more complicated. I can't do things on the spur of the moment. In this case, I had to plan a time to take my shoes in when I wasn't busy because there was a good chance I could get stuck carrying shoes around for the rest of my time. And I also had to look up vocabulary words to explain the problem. It's just harder when you have to review sentences two or three times before you even start talking because you have to be sure your vocabulary is right--or mostly right.

So being a foreigner is hard, and though I can't compare I've heard being female is especially hard. It's certainly hard living on my own. Because you always know in the back of your mind that when the shit hits the fan, no one is obligated to help you. Either you save yourself, or you don't get saved. You can pull yourself back up by your bootstraps, or you can go down alone, and either way it doesn't make much difference. But that's part of growing up.

Sometimes it would just be nice to have someone to text at the end of the day to say "so bored" or "it's hot" or "how are you." To know that someone is interested in your life, even if your life is not that interesting. However, maybe it's also good to acknowledge that one's life is pretty boring.

That is my experience playing life on a high difficulty level. I wish it didn't have to be that way, but I also have gotten much stronger in the past few months than I would have if I wasn't on my own.