Sooner or later...

 

One of my favorite anime series is Haibane Renmei. It was one of the first series that I watched, and it's still just one of my favorite stories in general. It's got good characters, good suspense, good fantasy, good themes--and every time I watch it I see something new.

My favorite character is Reki. Obviously she's the cool one. She has the black wings and the tragic backstory. I think she's actually the main character of the story, although it's told from the point of view of Rakka. If Rakka is the Nick character, Reki is the Gatsby character, so to speak.

I think one of the first times you see that there's more going on underneath for this character is when everyone's together observing the passing of their friend into the unknown--whatever comes next in the existence of their kind.

Everyone's sad, but Reki looks off into the distance and says, "Sooner or later, everyone leaves me." And then you realize that for her, it's personal. It's happened before. It's a pattern she can't avoid.


 I think I can understand her a little bit more now. Because a lot of the places and people I've cared about, I've left behind. Not because of tragedy, but because of the movements of life. Of course, they haven't gone over a wall forever, like Reki's friends did.

You tell yourself that you'll stay in touch, that your friendship isn't over. But it won't be the same. And sometimes, even though you tell yourself it isn't, that's the last time you'll ever see them. Do they ever think of you? Maybe.

Sometimes it's a shock how little impression we leave on the people we like the most.

I said goodbye to a dear friend at the airport, and that's the last time I ever saw him. Because of my actions, I think he hates me. If I had known then, the parting would have been so much more painful.

Of course, the only way to keep people forever is to never move on yourself. To attach yourself only to safe people who won't change toward you, and to live in the same place all your life. But that's the same as being a child forever and it won't stop you from changing and growing old without ever having done anything to be worth it.

I think the greatest thing can be to find a person who just likes you. Not because you're convenient at a certain time and place, because you have something to offer at that stage in their journey. Not until a more important person makes demands. But because, wherever they are, they'll still consider you.

I'd like to be that person for someone, but I'm probably too cynical, like Reki.